I appear to be a bit prone to depression. A few years (well, quite a few) ago, I had to take a year off work with it. Luckily my GP wrote it up as “work-related stress” so my employers were not too keen to blow me out. Being fair, they were a caring company too – not many of those left!
Since Christmas, I’d been noticing that I was feeling more and more stressed. I’m sure it affected my work a bit. More recently, my (three different) employers decided that I was to be made redundant, but that I could apply for a similar job that would cover all three in different ways to the status quo. Knowing the person who would be doing most of the interviewing, and just how much she took to me, I knew I wouldn’t get the job.
After a week, I started to feel really down. I’ve said to a few people that the stress stage was like being a sealed can full of water left on a stove – the pressure just builds and builds. When I got made redundant, it was like someone had punched a hole in the can, and everything went up in steam and boiling over.
I’m off work at the moment, but still Responding. I find that very satisfying, and I haven’t got time to think about feeling down.
This got me thinking. Why was I stressed/depressed in my job, yet find working alongside the Ambulance Service really satisfying? Going to a patient who, in spite of our efforts, we can’t revive does not particularly affect me. Sure, I feel sorry for the family, but eventually we all have to go. Let’s hope I’m 105 when I die, shot by a jealous husband!
My education and training have been in the scientific/technological fields. I can fix things – not mechanical things, but systems. I can train people in this too, but I find extensive paperwork boring. Sure, I can write reports – some long – on trials I’ve carried out on systems and developments, but tabulating accidents of no particular importance bores me.
I’m a problem-solver, not an administrator. (Administrators have my greatest respect. I definitely couldn’t do their job, but I don’t expect they would like to deal with a CVA.) I’d really like a job where problem-solving is an everyday thing. Ideally this would be the Ambulance Service, but our Trust is not taking anyone on, in any position.
Has anyone got any ideas where I could look?
Incidentally, I’ll carry on Responding until I can no longer afford the fuel for my car!